As your parents age, they may become as vulnerable to abuse as children are. Many seniors are physically unable to fight back; isolated from family and friends; under someone else's supervision; and dependent on the person abusing them. Even seniors with some independence may still become victims.
More abuse comes from family members than it does professional caregivers, according to the National Center on Elder Abuse. Sharing a home with the victim makes it easier for the abuser to hide what’s happening and to keep the victim isolated.
You may find it hard to imagine your parents doing anything to trigger abuse. That’s because it isn't their fault: Abusers act for their own reasons, not because someone “made” them do it, and that’s as true with elder abuse as child or spousal abuse.
Spousal Abuse
A large percentage of elder abuse is spousal abuse, NCEA says, although some studies disagree. The abuser may be continuing a long-time pattern; an abuse victim settling the score with a suddenly helpless spouse; or acting in response to the stress of caregiving.
Why Your Parents Might Not Report Abuse
Your parents might not be willing to tell you about what's happening. They may be afraid (“If you tell anyone, I’ll tell the cops you’re senile and have you committed.”), unwilling to turn a family member in or terrified that if their caregiver is arrested, they’ll have no-one to look after them. Like many abuse victims, they may accept the idea that it really is their fault that their caregiver hits them.
Nonphysical Abuse
Abuse doesn’t have to mean hitting. Abusers can attack verbally, by yelling, threatening and humiliating; with nonverbal emotional abuse, including ignoring or isolating them; and sexual abuse, which can include forcing your parents to look at porn.
More than half the reported cases of elder abuse involve abuse through neglect: Denying them food, water, clothing or medicine; refusing to help with daily activities or personal hygiene; or for financial caregivers, refusing to pay the bills on time.
Signs of Possible Abuse
Warning signs include unexplained bruises or injuries; unexplained withdrawal from social activities; sudden arguments with their caregiver; odd behaviour such as sucking their thumbs, or talking to themselves; and unexplained genital or anal bleeding.
If you see signs, investigate. You might find it unbelievable that your mother’s caregiver raped her, for instance, but rape is about aggression and power, not sexual desire. Even if the caregiver is a family member, don’t assume it can’t be what you think it is; caring for parents is a high stress situation, and sometimes it drives people to lash out.
Preventing Abuse
If the abuse is ongoing, get your parents to safety as soon as possible, then report the abuser. If you can’t get your parents out, report the abuse at once. Don’t confront the abuser yourself, or he or she might take it out on your parents. Call the National Eldercare Locator at 1-800-677-1116 or visit eldercare.gov for information on the reporting number for your parents’ state.
You may not want to imagine your parents as abuse victims, but it can happen. Know the signs and if you see evidence of abuse, do what you have to do to protect your parents from further harm.
